WARNING: Spoilers abound below, as well as purely subjective complaints. Don't read this if: a) you haven't seen the movie yet; or b) you saw it, loved it as you love life itself, and own a firearm of any kind.
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Stylistic Complaints:

* Locations like the elven city of Lothlorien looked *too* otherworldly, almost dreamlike; I would have preferred something less stately and more natural-looking. Likewise, Galadriel and Celeborn didn't need to have a faint glow around them; I wanted to see them in focus, in natural lighting, like any other character. This complaint applies to many scenes in the film: I would have much preferred to see a world that appeared solid, sharp, tangible and real.

* Battle scenes: I understand that the MTV approach to filming such scenes is popular and is intended to convey the chaotic nature of hand-to-hand combat. But I've had enough of it. I would have much preferred a view from the ceiling for at least several seconds of each fight, with several different skirmishes clearly visible onscreen instead of an indistinct flurry of limbs and blades. The MTV approach doesn't convey to me the danger of facing an armed opponent; showing both combatants in full does.

* Several times during the film, a close-up of a speaking character's face would switch, in mid-phrase, to another close-up from a slightly different angle. This irritated me, especially when it happened in the middle of Gandalf's challenge to the Balrog: "You shall not [switch angle] pass!"

* It was the wrong decision to switch back and forth between close-ups of Gollum's face peering through a stone rail and close-ups of Gandalf and Frodo discussing Gollum's possible role in their quest. The effect was confusing; it made it appear that Gollum was "hiding" about five feet away from them as they continued to talk about him, unperturbed.

* The film doesn't adequately convey the passage of time, which makes some events confusing. After entering Moria, Gandalf announces that it will be a four-day journey to the other side. A couple of shots later, Frodo notices Gollum lurking in the shadows and Gandalf acknowledges that he's seen him before: "He's been following us for the past three days." Why not add a few seconds of footage to show the Fellowship stopping for a meal, or to sleep -- anything that suggests that they've traveled longer than a few minutes? The same thing happens earlier when Gandalf is shown riding to Minas Tirith to study Isildur's journal and learn about the One Ring. That's a journey of, what, maybe three weeks each way? But when he arrives back at Bag End in the next scene, it seems as though he's only been away for a day. I understand that Jackson didn't want to lose the tension he had built during Gandalf's previous conversation with Frodo, but there are ways to maintain that tension without concealing the passage of a couple of months.

* Related to the previous complaint, the pace of events felt extremely rushed, especially in the first half of the movie. It's hard to blame Jackson for that, especially when you consider how much of the book he already omitted just to fit a three-hour running time. But just a few extra seconds here and there would have improved it for me. One travel shot seemed to fade into another before I really had a chance to absorb the beauty of the scenery or appreciate the distance of the journey. Also, many times I thought to myself, "if I hadn't read the book, I'd be having a lot of difficulty figuring out what's going on here." A tiny bit of additional footage could have cleared up a lot of that. But then, "a tiny bit of extra footage" in too many places gets you another 45 minutes of movie, so I try to be forgiving about this point.

The "Just Plain Stupid" Department:

* "Lean forward!" Riiiiight -- you're going to affect the direction a 50-ton chunk of stone falls by leaning one way or the other, huh?

* Goblins in full armor swarming across the ceiling and coming headfirst down massive columns.

* Boromir's last fight. THWAK! An arrow hits him. He falls, gasping and looking remorseful, then his face fills with resolve and he rises again and beats down some more orcs. THWAK! Another arrow hits him and he falls, gasping. Then his face fills with resolve and he rises again and beats down some more orcs. Lather, rinse, repeat. Come on P.J., this isn't the WWF.

* The Horn of Gondor, which sounds like the horn on an old-fashioned buggy. I wanted the thing to split my ears, dangit.

Iss "next post: GOOD things about the film!" achar