It is time for someone to inject a serious note into this hodge podge of drivle. Who cares what your middle name is? Who cares about your gender?
This is a humor forum and we need to get seriously humorus. (The prizes offered haven't been much either.)
Help me with this serious problem:
I have been traveling and in keeping with that activity, I have been reading road signs. And I am confused as usual. I keep seeing signs that say, "School Zone, Speed Limit 15 on school days when children are present." Okay, does that mean that I am supposed to park and go inside and call the roll to see if they are present? Or am I supposed to look about to see if there are any children in sight? Do high school students, who closely resemble adults, count? How about children who are driving cars? How do I know which day is a school day? If I am from out of town, I may not have a copy of the school year schedule.
And then there is the sign that reads "Truck Scales, all trucks and trailers must stop." Now wait just a minute! I'm motoring along in a pickup. Sometimes I'm using it to pull a small trailer. Do I have to stop? What if I had a six wheel moving van that was a privately owned vehicle being used to haul my own stuff? Would I have to stop? How big does the truck or trailer have to be? Where is the dividing line between stoppers and don't stoppers? Is an SUV a truck?
Speaking of trucks, I keep seeing signs that say, "Trucks over six wheels must use two right lanes."
Both of them?! If they MUST use TWO right lanes, then they shouldn't be caught using only one of the right lanes. Is that right as opposed to left or right as opposed to wrong? I wonder. Come to think of it, I saw several trucks straddling the dashed line between lanes one and two. I stayed in lane three, just to be safe.
And then in places like downtown Atlanta, they have signs that say "Speed Limit 55 mph." Is that a minimum or just some kind of joke? I'm in lane three of six doing 68 mph and cars and trucks make a swooching sound as the fly by at 75 plus. Why do they waste money on signs like that?
Next is the sign that says "Move wrecked vehicles from traffic lane." How!?! The poor vehicle has the rear axle through the windshield. It can't move. Besides the driver is in no condition to read signs, much less drive. If you can and do move one, the cop is going to chew you out and the insurance company is going to dispute whose fault it is.
"No Parking, this space reserved." Okay, make up your mind. Which is it?
"No Standing." Always sit when you drive.
And I can't forget the day I sat in a traffic jam on I-75 for forty-five minutes right next to a sign that sternly declared "Minimum speed 40." I just can't seem to get it out of my mine.
How about this one:
"Road Repairs, next 2 mile." Now wait just a cotton-pickin' minute! Two is plural and mile is singular. No wonder we can't learn them kids no English. They might as well have signs that say "Drive Slow" instead of "Drive Slowly." They do? I wish you hadn't told me that.
"Slow children playing." Okay, so they aren't rocket scientists. Do they have to put up signs so everybody will know how dumb they are?
And the funniest sign of all is STOP. Does anybody ever see those silly things? Does it really mean, "squall tires on pavement?" Some people actually slow slightly for stop signs, but after being rear-ended a few times, they usually abandon the practice.
And then think of this series of signs:
Construction ahead.
"Workers present when flashing."
"Speed limit 45."
"Fines doubled in work zones." 2X?
I don't see anybody working or flashing either. So what's the speed limit? If I don't see any workers, can I ignore the speed limit? Well, that trucker just did. I'd like to observe the speed limits, but I'm not suicidal.
How"signing off"ard