> > One sentence in your story confused me, however, because of the wording:
> >
> > >The library was dark; the lights left on when the librarian left went out when the ice had pulled down the power lines.
>
> I thought that was worded akwardly too, but I wasn't sure how to fix it. Ya see, when the Librarien went home she/he left some lights on (a lot of public buildings do this, I think it is so cops driving past can see an intruder snooping around). Those lights weren't on when Jack woke uo though because ice buildup on the power lines pulled them down.

You can leave the wording the same and make it more readable by adding two commas.

"The library was dark; the lights, left on when the librarian left, went out when the ice had pulled down the power lines."