Latest Additions: 1/29/08

#829

• What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
• Justice Fingers.

#830

• What do clouds wear under their clothes?
• Thunderware.

#831

• What's an archeologist?
• Someone whose career is in ruins.

#832

• What does a cat sleep on?
• A caterpillow.

#833

• What does a king do when he burps?
• He issues a royal pardon.

#834

• What happens when two snails fight?
• They slug it out.

#835

• What is hail?
• Hard-boiled rain.

#836

• What's the strongest bird?
• A crane.

#837

• What insect is good at math?
• An account-ant.

#838

• What wobbles as it flies?
• A jelly-copter.

#839

• How did the artist paint a picture?
• Easel-y.

#840

• How did the ghost patch his sheet?
• With a pumpkin patch.

#841

• How do French poodles greet each other?
• Bone-jour.

#842

• How do you catch a squirrel?
• Climb in a tree and act like a nut.

#843

• How do you have a party in outer space?
• You plan-et.

#844

• If two collars had a race, how would it end?
• In a tie.

#845

• Why was King Tutenkhamen considered the best pharaoh in all of Egypt?
• Because he always showed up in cuneiform.

#846

• What kind of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic?
• Iceberg.

#847

• What do you call four matadors in quicksand?
• Quatro sinko.

#848

• Why do pigs make good spies?
• They're excellent at going in-hog-nito.

#849

• What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a plate?
• A tyrannosaucer.

#850

• What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
• "Do you smell carrot?"

#851

• What do you call an earthquake fault?
• A topographical error.

#852

• What did the Spanish farmer say to his chickens?
• Oh-lay!

#853

• Why would you take a hammer to bed?
• So you could hit the sack.

#854

An Indian consulted his medicine man about a pain in his stomach that had persisted for three months.

"For something as long as that," said the Medicine Man, "I have a more drastic remedy than the herbs I normally prescribe. Chew on this leather thong every day. It is 31 inches long: chew one inch every day, and at the next moon come back."

The Indian dutifully did as directed, and at the next moon he returned to the Medicine Man.

"How do you feel?" the Medicine Man asked.

"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

#855

It is a little-known fact that before becoming president of South Korea, Syngman Rhee was for many years foreign corresponcent for Life magazine, dividing his time between their New York and Seoul offices. One day, he left New York for a routine trip to Seoul, but, when he wasn't heard from, the New York office became worried and called the Seoul office. The Seoul office confirmed that he had arrived as scheduled but had left almost immediately for North Korea. They quoted him as saying that he was not at liberty to say where he could be reached but that he would be doing a story on how the other half lived, promising to cable it to Seoul and New York on completion.

The New York office was worried and decided to send a bilingual correspondent to North Korea to try to locate him. He arrived in Seoul, at which time he was told that they had had an update: Syngman Rhee had called in a half hour earlier to say that his story would concern interviews with a taxi driver, a tailor, and a restaurant manager, all in Pyongyang. But he still declined to supply a contact address.

So the reporter decided to go to Pyongyang to track him down. At the Pyongyang airport he took a taxi into town, and luck was with him: while his taxi driver had not been the one interviewed, he knew the driver who had, and he gave the reporter his name. When reporter talked to the driver, the driver said that Rhee had planned to interview a tailor in a district known for its many tailors.

Again luck was with him: out of 3,518 tailors, he only had to talk to 17 before finding the one who had been interviewed by Rhee: he quoted him as saying he intended to talk to a restaurant manager located in a suburb of Pyongyang. Acting on a hunch that the suburb would be the last one on the commuter train line, he took the train for the northern suburbs and got off at the last stop. He interviewed a restaurant manager there without success, so he returned to Pyongyang Central Station and took a train to the northeast, getting off at the last stop. In this way he worked his way around, taking trains to the east, then southeast, and again luck was with him. He did not have to get half way around the circuit before arriving at the last town on a line running southeast of Pyongyang, where he talked to the manager of one of the town's only two restaurants. The manager confirmed that Syngman Rhee had gone to the other one for his interview.

Arriving there, the correspondent talked to the manager, who said that Rhee had just interviewed him and was now in the kitchen talking to the staff. The reporter went into the kitchen, and there was Syngman Rhee, looking as if he hadn't aged a day in three months, sipping a cup of tea with the staff with his notebook on his knee. The correspondent said, "Ah, sweet Mr. Rhee of Life, at last I've found you!"