> I like this one better than the last. It has a great hook in the opening! I also think it captures a great atmosphere, a feeling of melancholy and also a little bit of alienation.
>
> Your last story had the quality of a dream, but I found the overuse of "he", eg, "he did, he floated" etc, distracting. It would have dragged me in perfectly otherwise.
>
> I do like your writing and I think it has a lot of potential. I can't wait for the next one.
>
> ding"not a particular good reviewer"dong

Actually, I think your review is great! For one thing, it makes me think that my second story has some merit (you liked it better than the first!) and for another, it gives me some pointers on what was good about the second and what was not so good about the first... Until you made your comment, I hadn't even realized that I /had/ a hook at the opening. (I wrote it, ran it through the spelling and grammar checker in Word, and then posted it-- I didn't even read it over.) Now I'm starting to get really pleased... I wrote a hook by accident, and reading it again, I even liked the hook. Thanks for your feedback! :-)

Don "Riding a wave of euphoria now" Monkey