> Lately, I have been very dissatisfied with my life, and I have thought a lot about what I would like to be different. Looking up to the examples of the great Mr. Stoddard and the Amazing Mr. Parker, I decided I would pursue my long-time goal of writing fiction. Perhaps just for a hobby, and perhaps someday, something more. SO I whipped up a little 1400 word story in about an hour (I don't really know, I was working in betweem writing) and thought I would see what others thought of it.
>
> The story is a fuller description of the dream I had as a child (as mentioned in an earlier thread) with a tiny bit of embellishment and filling in where I felt more was needed. I welcome ANY sort of feedback at this point-- I haven't tried to write fiction since high school (over five years ago) and I know that I need a lot of work to be good again. Please pick apart my grammar, spelling, vocabulary, sentence structure, style, theme, or anything else you can think of. Of course, if you see good things about the work I have done, I would appreciate hearing that as well, just so I don't try to change those things about myself.
>
> If people like, I can add my own commentary on the story either here or on the web page where it is posted.
>
> Don "The Monkey'aspiring author'man" Jackson

Interesting. It reminded me of all the dreams I have about floating and doing weird things. So, that's good, the imagery and such. It's very interesting, although I don't know so much if it is a story or just a neat description. It's almost like a narrative poem or something. Very cool though.
Unlike Sakura, I found no problem with the comma's. I think maybe you should add more or develop a plot if you want it to be more than a sort of short narrative poem type thing. Otherwise it was great. Bunches of praise.

Mel"I won't post my fiction on here, because most of it is much, much too long"anie