I'm just thinking about the things I've been running through in my head about how hard it is to be out of this relationship. So many of the things in my life which matter to me the most came into my life because of Amanda...

On a side note, I have just received two emails from her, replying to news stories I had sent her this week. I think we may be able to hang on as friends, although it will be very hard...

Anyway, my cat was a Christmas present from her. My bettas (Siamese fighting fish if you don't know) were a gift from her for our one year anniversary. My newts were her newts, and she couldn't take them with her to Lethbridge, so she gave them to me. I have a Beanie Baby monkey named Mooch who hangs above my bed... She gave him to me out of the blue one week when I had been feeling miserable because of school and work. My slippers used to be her dad's. She helped me to buy one of my two suits, and she has helped me with all the slacks, several of the ties, and most of the shirts that I own. She found one of my pairs of dress shoes for me, and helped me to select the other pair. My casual shoes and boots were bought on her suggestion, from a store she recommended. The night I bought my casual shoes, we went to a hockey game in the President's Club with tickets I got from work. The shoes were too big (they were leather and they stretched) and I had to go back and trade them in for a pair one size smaller.

Amanda reintroduced me to horseback riding. There is a framed picture of my cat which sits on my desk at work-- She gave it to me for my birthday this year. I own furniture that was given to me by her family when her grandmother moved into the home she is in now. The guitar I play that sits in my room was loaned to me indefinitely by her mother. I started playing recorder again after more than ten years to play in a trio with her and her sister. I bought a $100 tenor recorder so that I wouldn't have to borrow hers all the time. I still practice music with her sister, and play in two D&D campaigns with her sister.

My family adores her. I have two adopted sisters who think the world of her. My natural sister treats her as the big sister she never had. My parents could (and have) talk to her for hours about the strangest things.

I think I'm done for now. There are enough happy memories in there to cheer me up a bit, and as for the sad memories, it helps just to talk about them. For anybody who reads this far, thanks for listening. :-)

Don "The Monkeyman" Jackson