Well, I barely know what to say. It's been less than eleven hours since my last post on this subject. It's amazing what can change in eleven hours.

I just got off the phone from a two and a half hour conversation with my girlfriend. Only she isn't anymore.

There is too much that we talked about for me to even begin to discuss it here. There is one thing I have to say, though, to help me vent some of my frustration.

Last weekend, two friends of hers went down to visit her. On Thursday, we were talking about her plans for the weekend. One thing the three of them were going to do was "get slutted up" as Amanda put it and go to the bar. We ended up concluding that I could live with this, even though I was opposed to the idea on several different principles.

Tonight, after talking for quite a while, I asked her what had happened this week. She said she didn't want to talk about it. I pushed, because she had said she still wanted to be my friend, and I needed total honesty from her. She said that she had the flu over the weekend (she had mentioned this earlier) and at the bar, she had three drinks, and she and her friends were playing pool with some guys. They won the first game because the guys scratched at the end, and they decided to use the "distraction" technique to win the second. Anyway, Amanda ended up dancing (kind of dirty) with one of these guys, and they ended up making out in a corner. They did not sleep together or anything, but still...

She said that she and some of her friends concluded that the fact that she could do this meant that she probably didn't love me anymore. She had been feeling this way for several months now anyway, and had gotten the impression that I did not love her either. (Read my reply to Andrea's first reply to my "Happy Weekend" post for some ideas on why she might have felt this way.) So tonight, she broke up with me.

There is too much going on in my head right now for me to say much more. One thing I can say is that I do not wish to receive any emails or see any replies to this post talking about how "I'm better off without her" or how awful she must be, or anything like that, because I don't feel that way right now, and if I hear something like that, I may never want to come back here. After my inane ramblings and constant self-pity, you may not want me to come back, but at this point, I'm inclined to say "whatever". I'm sorry, this is just getting worse as I go on. Anyway, I may not be around for a few days while I try to cope with this. I would appreciate any replies along any lines that do not say anything along the lines mentioned above. I will be around lurking, most likely, so please don't hesitate. I could use the support from any friends I have right now, because as I'm realizing, I have so few left... Just to let you guys know how much you mean to me, my roommate has knocked on the door twice tonight (once while I was still on the phone and once while I was typing this) and you guys still won out... I'm sorry if I'm putting pressure on you, I hate to do that to people I've barely known for a couple of weeks. I'm sorry for any discomfort I may have caused.

Don "The Monkey'Too exhausted right now to think of anything better to put here'man" Jackson