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#56

Polite manners regarding the consumption of soup is ridiculous. You have to put the spoon in the soup by sliding it away from you. You can't put the spoon in your mouth; you have to put one side of it on your lips and pour the soup in with a slight, genteel slurp. It's absurd. You can't even lick the bowl. The next time I get invited to a posh, upper-class dinner, I'm not only going to eat the soup this way, I'm going to eat everything else this way, too. Everyone will watch me take my spoon, fill it with peas, put the side of the spoon to my lips, and pour them in with a genteel slurp. I'll do that with the salmon hollandaise and angel food cake, too. I'll feel like an idiot, but everybody will marvel at how unfailingly polite I am. Then I'll burp really loud to make my point.