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#102

Dog shows are ridiculous. Not the performance dog shows -- the ones where they groom the daylights out of the dogs and parade them around the ring. The idea of these shows is to groom your dog so it looks the least like a terrestrial being as it possibly can. The "ideal" spaniel, for instance, has nearly no hair on its back end and all hair on its front end, because apparently the judges' idea of the perfect spaniel is one that looks like it has an eight pound tumor growing out of its chest. Poodles, on the other hand, must be indistinguishable from balloon animals. I think I'm going to start a new kind of dog show. It will be the most prestigious dog show in the world, because I will charge the highest entrance fees. In it, I will rank dogs on how much they look like sporks. I'll do my best to keep a straight face, but then I'll laugh my way to the proverbial bank, which is what I suspect these dog show people are doing anyway.