This movie is so bad, it wasn't even screened for critics prior to its release. The first things that appear on screen are the logos for Warner Bros. and Village Roadshow Pictures IN RED. How STYLISH! How AVANT-GARDE!

Then the musical score starts. It's some soft-core rock crap put through a synthesizer and recycled at various points (kills) throughout the film. The theme for this movie is so bad, you'll be puking in your popcorn. It sounds like a two year old composed it while banging on the side of his crib.

We're given the backstory, which is important because it supplies the killer, motivation, and trademark in EVERY slasher movie. Pay close attention here. Some geeky kid (a white Steve Urkel) goes around at a dance and asks a bunch of young girls to dance. They all turn him down. Cut to a picture of them in present day. CHEESE ALERT! Finally, he asks some porker sitting in the bleachers to dance. About 20 seconds later they're making out under the stands and are attacked by a group of sixth grade thugs (!). The girl, trying to save face, says that the geek attacked her, so the thugs tear off all his clothes (!!) in the middle of the high school gym (!!!) and beat the stuffing out of him (!!!!). RIIIIGHT.

The title (in red) flashes on the screen. Fade to black.

Cut to 13 years later. The girls have grown into busty young women totally in control of their lives, which involve nothing but inhabiting luxury apartments (where DO they get the money?) and whining about their failures with men. Feminism has come a long way. They are, as follows: Paige (Denise Richards), Kate (Marley Shelton), Lily (Jessica Cauffiel), and Dorothy (Jessica Capshaw, daugher of Kate). IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! Dorothy is the one who made out with the geek under the stands.

Apparently, there was another girl in the clique, but ol' "one-scene Shelley" gets knocked off in the first reel. She's a medical student who's STUDYING FOR FINALS IN FEBRUARY.

Shelley is murdered in the morgue of her medical school by a Cherub-masked killer who wears black. Cool! A massive two year old (the film's metaphor for men) is killing nubile women.

Anyway, the girls start to receive threatening Valentine cards, and they die at various points in the movie. THE VIRGIN, of course, remains alive. I won't reveal the killer's identity (Hint: "Toto! I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more!"). Suffice to say that the "revelation" really wasn't a revelation after all. At least we are spared the "killer explanation" scene.

We are left with THE VIRGIN being comforted by her boyfriend in the final scene (David Boreanaz, of TV's "Angel," who proves once again that he can't act). There is an opening for a sequel.

Scene to watch for: Paige's (Denise Richards) death scene -- air holes in the jacuzzi top! HMMMMMM. You've gotta see it to believe it, guys.