We normally expect news services to be precise and professional. It makes
slip-ups all the more amusing.
- "Slain Doctor Worried About His Death" -- In a local paper in
- "Public Inquiry To Be Launched Into Avalanche"
-- A front page headline in the National Post.
- "Youth Hit By Train Is Rushed To Two Hospitals" -- In a local
- "Ministry Probes Dead Fish" -- In a local paper in Canada.
- "Nixon Beneath the Surface" -- The headline of an expose column about
Richard Nixon, several days after his death.
- "Golfing Immortal Dies Aged 69" -- A headline in a New Zealand
- "Flawless Take-Off Marred By Hitch" -- A headline in a New Zealand
- "Holy Mother Crushes Sacred Infant" -- In a Catholic newspaper,
referring to a basketball game between two Catholic High
- "Women Look Good" -- In a Canadian newspaper, referring to the women's
curling team during the 1998 Winter Olympics.
- "Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use" -- A local newspaper
of a suburb of Toronto, describing a committee set up by the board
of education and the local municipality to investigate marijuana
use among high school students.
- "Church Plan Upsets Brothel" -- Adelaide Advertiser, October
- "Man Died of Natural Causes" -- Wirral News Group,
October 25, 2000
- "School Praised After Vandalism" -- West Briton,
November 9, 2000
- "Tortoises Held Hostage As Lobster War Turns Nasty"
-- Independent, November 19, 2000
- "Rise of 'Mutants' Leaves France a Divided Nation"
-- Times, November 21, 2000
- "Pepsi To Increase Recycled Content In Products." -- The headline
of an article in Plastics news about Pepsico increasing the amount of
recycled plastic in their bottles.
- "The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day, like her
dad." -- From a New Zealand paper.
- "Although as a rider and breeder she has won countless prizes, she says
she enjoys an occasional beating." -- From a New Zealand
- "'It's a sad and tragic fact that, if you're a farmer, you are three times
more likely to die than the average New Zealander,' he said. The
rate was even worse for farm workers." -- From a New Zealand
- "Latest census figures show that more than one New Zealander is a Maori
or Polynesian." -- A New Zealand paper's cautious yet accurate
- "Visitors to the sandspit are advised that there is a prohibited area
near the groin." -- From a New Zealand paper.
- "However, things are not always as simple as they seem. Is all this
precipitation being monitored? And if it is, why? And if why, then
by whom? To all these questions, the answer is yes." -- From a
New Zealand paper.
- "The driver involved in this incident asked that her gender not be
revealed." -- From a Sydney, Australia, paper.
- "'There's a tendency among the press to attribute the creation of a game
to a single person,' says Warren Spector, creator of Thief
and Deus Ex." -- From an IGN game review.
- "There's an overturned tractor-trailer heading north on Route 93."
-- Report in a radio station's morning traffic update.
- "Seasonal weather for the time of year." -- Radio weather
- "Susan, things are washing up on the shore that have never seen the
light of day in a long time." -- From a local news report on the
aftereffects of 1989's Hurricane Hugo.
- "The bodies could not be identified because they were found face
down." -- A reporter, reporting on a story of the discovery of
two bodies under a bridge in rural Missouri.
- "Doctors say the longer the babies live, the better chance they'll have
at surviving." -- From a local news cast.
- "Today Lesbian forces invaded...no, sorry, that should be Lesbianese."
-- From a news report in UK, on a Lebanese conflict.
- "Merle Haggard: The documentary was filmed over three years. Among
those interviewed were his two ex-wives, Kris Kristofferson and
Robert Duvall." -- A demonstration of the importance of the Oxford
comma; see a scanned image.
- "Today marks the 25th anniversary of the Vietnam War." -- From
abcnews.com, April 30, 2000. Revisionist history strikes again; now
the war only lasted one day.
- "Panda lovers were saddened to hear that the world's oldest panda passed
away today. We'll give you the reason for his death tonight at nine."
-- From a nightly local news ad.
- "Local construction is making it hazardous to drive in some areas of our
city. We'll tell you which to avoid on the way home on news tonight
at 9:30." -- From a nightly local news ad on the radio.
- "Due to a typing error, Gov Dukakis was incorrectly identified in the
third paragraph as Mike Tyson." -- Correction in a Massachusetts
- "March 18: Outdoor Adventure Series: Indoor Rock Climbing"
-- In a school's newsletter.
- "Cancer, June 22-July 23. Your home life could be chaotic. Some moments
of solitude and medication can help you get through the day."
- "As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this
one is no different than any other." -- Channel 4 news
- "If England are going to win this match, they're going
to have to score a goal." -- Grandstand, BBC1
- "Well, I guess we can see that Ralph isn't a left-handed hooker." --
Sportscaster, after Ralph Sampson missed a left-handed hook
- "It's an island because it's surrounded by land. I mean water. Islands
are surrounded by water, and that affects them."
-- A TV commentator for America's Cup racing.
- "And the name of that country really tells you exactly where these
guys are from." -- A TV commentator for the 2000 Olympics opening
- "And there's Bill Gates, the...most...famous...man in
the...ah...Microsoft." -- A TV commentator for the 2000
- "The ball is going back, Smith is chasing it, it's still going back,
Smith jumps, he hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's
rolling all the way back to the infield. This is a terrible day for
the Padres!" -- A San Diego Padres announcer.
- "Am I cold? Why do you think I'm sitting here under these two Africans?"
-- An elderly lady, incredulously, during a televised interview
at her home.
- "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?" -- Simon
Fanshawe, during a Metro Radio Interview, when a listener
said, "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg
fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
- "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"
-- A talk radio interviewer, questioning a 15-year old
eyewitness to a head-on train collision. The answer he gave
was, "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."
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