> May 5 - Mission: Impossible III

> (Lost fans: Ok, ok, I watch the show too. J.J. Abrams is still a hack.)

I disagree, but M:I3 will probably still suck. Nonetheless, I will go and see it. I got suckered by the first two and I figure I'll get suckered again.

> May 12 - Poseidon
>
> An awful lot of disaster movies since 1972 have been unofficial remakes of The Poseidon Adventure. At least this one is honest about it. I can't think of any reason to think this will be anything more than a forgettable popcorn flick, but I have to admit, the effects look slick.

Yeah, it does look somewhat interesting. It's a shame the trailers make it look like every other disaster movie, though. This would have been the perfect opportunity to do something unexpected with the genre.

> May 26 - X-Men: The Last Stand
>
> Can the series maintain its track record with a change of director? Brett Ratner is no Bryan Singer, but he *can* be very good, and the trailers look fantastic. This movie's chances feel pretty good, and if it makes it, would the X-Men become the best superhero trilogy of all time? There aren't many big action blockbuster series that maintain quality standards over three films.

The first two movies were good despite the fact that they should have been terrible. I'm worried that without Singer to steady the boat, the franchise is going to capsize. When the heck was Ratner ever very good?

Also, the Phoenix storyline is one of the worst stories I could think to adapt. The second movie's set up for it left me dreading a third entry. I'll still go see it.

> June 9 - A Prairie Home Companion
>
> Though outrageous, it's subtle, and subtlety doesn't sell in America, but if you're interested in an alternative for simplistic blockbusters this summer, seek this one out. It's getting great reviews on the festival circuit, and Altman's track record speaks for itself.

My #1 most anticipated film this summer. I'm not a huge Keillor fan, but in small doses he's amusing. The trailer I saw a little while ago makes it look hysterical and it seems like it plays to all of Altman's strengths (it's about show business, has a lot of characters, can be improvisational in tone, etc.).

> June 9 - Cars
>
> Admittedly, the trailers don't make this look like Pixar's finest work.

Be honest. They make it look terrible. I'll probably go see it if the reviews are passable out of a twisted sense of duty to Pixar. I freaking hate the summer.

> June 16 - Garfield's A Tale of Two Kitties
>
> Bill Murray returns as the voice of Garfield. I didn't see the original, because I thought it looked horrible.

I did watch it on HBO because it looked so horrible. It was.

> June 16 - Sssslither
>
> Speaking of hack horror, here's a movie about college kids discovering genetically-modified eels in the Everglades.

I'm glad they added the extra Ses to the title, or else I might have confused it with the other 2006 movie called "Slither" which was about alien slugs or something.

> The Lake House
>
> Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock reunite, this time in a metaphysical romance of sorts, something like the chick-flick version of "Frequency." On a scale of -10 to 10, the casting averages out to a 1 for me.

That averages to a -100 for me. And "Frequency" wasn't the chick-flick version of "Frequency?" That was a pretty sappy movie to start with.

> June 16 - Bordertown
>
> Jennifer Lopez and Antonio Banderas star in this murder mystery thriller set on the Mexican border.

Somehow I don't think this will be Touch of Evil.

> June 30 - Superman Returns
>
> Somehow, amidst the smoldering ashes of false start after false start, Bryan Singer came in and got things moving. He's the best choice of director out of anybody who was ever attached to the project, and he's also probably the most likely to respect the character, if the producers let him.

Superman is so one-dimensional I think Singer will be able to peg the character without trouble. Nonetheless, I'm actually excited about this one. Singer made two X-Men movies that were both good. That is such a feat I think he might be able to make even Supes interesting again. Really, is there a more overexposed superhero than Superman? Every Superman storyline is essentially the same because Supes has nothing resembling character growth or personality.

> July 7 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
> Hiring Keith Richards to play Depp's father was brilliant.

Richards pulled out, though, so that's another strike against the movie. I didn't like the first movie as much as most people did, so I cannot say I'm terribly excited about this one. But if there's more Johnny Depp (and I think even Hollywood producers figured out that people liked his character) then it has the chance to actually be better.

It's actually one of those cases where pandering could work. All the serious parts about Orlando "Mr. Cardboard" Bloom and Keira "Miss Cardboard" Knightly in the first movie were dry and boring. If they kicked both those two out of the cast and made it the Johnny Depp show, could you really complain?

> July 21 - Lady In the Water
>
> M. Night Shyamalan is one of my favorite current directors. I even liked "The Village," which I think would have gone over better if it hadn't been preceded by three much better thrillers.

I can scientifcally say it was a terrible movie regardless of how much better Shayamalamalan's previous movies were. I have the math to prove it.

I'm still kind of intrigued. Maybe the drubbing Shayamaamamaman got for "The Village" has made him reconsider making feature-length episodes of the Twilight Zone. If nothing else, the man's casting is always so good I feel compelled to see his movies. Paul Giamatti can do no wrong by me, and Howard was the only thing other than Roger Deakins' cinematography that I liked from "The Village."

> July 28 - Miami Vice
>
> This would be the biggest joke of the summer, except that Michael Mann is at the helm, the guy behind "Heat" and "Collateral." He knows the cops-n-robbers territory, and his style couldn't be more diametrically opposed to the cheesy flambuoyance of the 80s television show upon which it is based. I think this is this year's "Batman Begins" -- a movie nobody will take seriously until it comes out and they see it and it turns out to be a lot of fun.

Maybe. We'll see. I have actually changed my mind on "Collateral," which I didn't like in the theater. I couldn't sleep a few weeks ago and watched most of it on cable late at night and it was fantastic. It may also have been I was out of it enough to forgive all the ridiculous plot elements that don't work. I like Mann, but it's still "Miami Vice."

> July 28 - Little Miss Sunshine
>
> My distaste for the current crop of witless slapstick comedies hasn't changed since I wrote about "Click." This Steve Carell vehicle could scarcely interest me less.

Are you joking? This is a slapstick comedy? Have you seen the trailer?

> August 18 - Snakes On a Plane
>
> The title says it all, really, doesn't it? This movie was an online phenomenon when all anybody knew about it was the title and the star (Samuel L. Jackson). It'll make a pretty penny on opening weekend, but, folks, a great title don't make it a cult classic.

The fact that the studio went back and added scenes to the movie to make it an R instead of PG-13 after the Internet buzz is what really has me interested. They even added in dialogue that was taken from joke fan trailers. A movie made by the Internet is something I have to see.

Stephen