>
> I've got a sort-of condensation for you.
> The great Dave Barry of the Miami Herald
> condensed the script for a theoretical sequel
> to "Titanic" at the URL below.

Hahaha! When did that colum run? I can't believe I missed it, I try to always read Dave Barry. Only problem is, my stupid paper puts it into the "Preview" section on fridays... [begin rant about my arch-nemesis]

Let me tell you about this "Preview" section (they may spell it "Prevue", but that's just them being stupid, I really don't care). You see, I CAN NOT STAND this thing. I read it for two reasons:
1) It has Dave Barry
2) On Friday, that's where the movie listings are, and I like to know when movies start (I find it's helpful when I go see them, otherwise I just stand around in the theater lobby for an hour or so).

Now, no matter how much I try to avoid reading a movie review, I almost always end up doing so. Why would I not want to read a review done in this magazine? Well, to begin with, most of them are done by this fellow named Dan Benett. As far as I can tell, this guy is a complete idiot. Among his recent stupidities:

Gave Tomorrow Never Dies a C+. Refered to the director of said movie as "the man who botched last year's Bond movie."

Gave Saving Private Ryan a B+. In the same magazine, the remake of The Parent Trap was given an A rating (by a different reviewer, but still).

Those two alone should be enough to justify his immediate termination. However, I don't think it would improve the entire Preview situation (in a recent issue, the movie "Air Bud 2" got a rating of B+). Erg, wait, where was I going with this? Eh, I dunno. Anyway, um, yeah.

[end rant]