Nobody asked for it, but this might be TEH BETS CHICKUN SOUP EVAR, so I'm posting it. Except it just seemed like it needed to be in the redneck dialogue, because I'm not very exact when it comes to measurements and how long to cook and stuff, so where it says possum, use chicken, and where it says liquor, it means white wine (but that is an optional ingredient anyway).

Two tablespoons margarine
A whole possum, lop into pieces
one onion
one bunch of celery
about 8 carrots
a whole haid of garlic
about a ha'f cup of white likker OR a kin of possum stock
water t'covah
possum boullion granules, not cubes
one lemon
one 16 oz bag of noodles
one bunch fresh parsley

Season th' possum wif salt an' pepper. Usin' yer mos' trimenjus pot on medium high heat, brown th' possum parts in th' margarine. While it's brownin', coarsely chop th' onion an' throw thet in, as enny fool kin plainly see. Chop up th' celery, especially th' leafy parts, an' throw thet in (but doesn't stir yet on account o' yer hankerin' yer possum t'brown). Peel an' chop th' carrots into bite size pieces an' throw them in, as enny fool kin plainly see. Peel an' mince about ha'f th' haid of garlic an' throw thet in, as enny fool kin plainly see. By this hyar time, th' possum sh'd be gittin' brown, so yo' kin stir th' whole thin' togither an' let it cook fo' about five minutes o' until th' vegitables start gittin' a li'l cooked, cuss it all t' tarnation. Season agin wif salt an' pepper.

While th' heat is still on medium high, add th' white likker o' possum stock an' stir, makin' sho'nuff t'scrape th' bottom of th' pan t'git all th' browned-possum flavo' off th' pan an' into yer soup. Then add inough water t'fill th' pot an' about two heapin' tablespoons of possum boullion granules. Turn down t'simmer fo' about an hour o' until th' possum pieces is cooked through, skimmin' th' gunk off th' top occashunally. Remove th' possum pieces an' put them in th' refrigerato' t'right fine. Add th' ress of th' garlic, minced, an' th' juice of ha'f th' lemon, as enny fool kin plainly see. Add mo'e boullion granules an' pepper t'taste.

When th' possum is coolt, take th' meat off th' bones, chop into bite sized pieces eff'n necessary, an' add it back into th' pot. At this hyar point, eff'n yer not a-gonna ett it right away, put it in th' refrigerato' until about an hour befo'e yer ready t'eat it, then put it back on over medium heat an' foller th' direckshuns below. Eff'n yer a-gonna ett it right away, let it corntinue t'simmer an' foller th' direckshuns below.

BEFORE SERVING:

In t'other pot, cook th' noodles. When they is about ha'fway done, squeeze th' juice of t'other ha'f of th' lemon int'th' soup pot an' put th' lemon ha'f itse'f into th' noodle water. Drain th' noodles, discard th' lemon ha'f, an' add a li'l margarine an' th' chopped fresh parsley. Add th' noodles t'th' soup an' say goo'bye t'yer cold, cuss it all t' tarnation.