> (several lines that can be summed up to mean: "Infomercials are stupid.")
>

Yes, they are. Very. But you, as a native English speaker, are missing out on one especially horrible and stupid thing about them. Here in Germany, there are a few TV station that have translated infomercials in their schedule.
(And two TV stations that consist solely of infomercials, HOT(Home Order Television) and QVC(Quagga Vladimir Collision, or something). I know of the latter that it exists in the UK, too, and they also have their own German salesmen, so they're off topic.)
These are the worst of the worst. Imagine every stupid thing you described topped off by voice-over acting (and voice overacting) that would make you weep. Because they're so nice, they usually leave the original English speakers drawling on below it, so I could compare their quality. And surprise - the German version is much, much worse.

Fuzzpilz