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Re: Internet Pals
Posted By: Sam, on host 24.128.86.11
Date: Friday, July 20, 2001, at 04:31:34
In Reply To: Internet Pals posted by Sundragyn on Thursday, July 19, 2001, at 21:41:20:

> Many times they have made comments about my "being addicted" to RinkChat.
>
> I just wish I could make them understand that the people I meet here are really my friends.
>
> Give me one good reason an internet friend is any less valid than a friend made in real life.

There isn't any good reason. Nonetheless, there is something to be said for the undesirability of cultivating online friendships to the exclusion of real life friendships, especially if you're not yet "settled" in the world. While the friends I have here are among the closest friends I've ever had, it would not be healthy for me to ONLY spend time with friends online. There is so much more to human interaction besides verbal communication -- less conspicuous interaction, less obviously necessary interaction, but interaction that it is part of our psyche to need. I liked the way Brunnen-G put it in an earlier thread. No matter how many types you type "/me HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS (someone)" in RinkChat, you're still not getting a hug. Same goes for numerous other elements of human interaction, some of which are so subtle they don't have names.

I'm not necessarily taking your parents' side. If they don't realize that the people on RinkWorks are your friends, then that's something about you they don't know. Frankly, it is unlikely that they will understand unless they wind up forming online friendships themselves somehow. You can help them understand by talking to them about the friends you've made here, who they are, where they're from, what's going on with their lives. If they can get a sense of the community here, that will help. (But I'm assuming they don't already -- they might, for all I know.)

The important thing is, even if they do understand, or come to understand, the nature of your friendships here, that doesn't mean there isn't a case to be made for their position nonetheless. I know that if I were the parent of someone whose online friendships seemed to be inhibiting the cultivation of in-person friendships, I'd have the same concerns. If this is where they're coming from, there you go.

Frankly, Leen and I find ourselves in a similar position. I'm at a point now where I've never had more friends in my life, and but I'm more, not less, starved for human interaction than when I was in college. It took me a long time to notice it, because it's not an intuitive conclusion and the adverse effects of having mostly just online friendships are not immediately apparent, but the burn out on RinkWorks I've been fighting for many months now is, I think, partly a result. I haven't thought so much of it recently, because I've been anticipating Ellie's visit to our house and the RinkUnion, both of which will put that in-person stuff back into my life for a while, but I imagine after those things are over, I'm going to have to do some thinking.

At any rate, maybe this is where your parents are coming from.