>But I'm wondering - do any of you ever feel like this?
>

I've recently been dealing with a very strong feeling of "not fitting in". I have plenty of friends both at school and youth group, but I don't really fit in with any of the groups they belong to. It's been sort of weird feeling left out even when surrounded by people.

I've figured out how to deal with this from day to day, but it almost ruined the Senior Florida Trip I just got home from. One of my closest friends had no time for anyone but her boyfriend, and my best friend was spending a lot of time with another friend of his who isn't around much.

Monday afternoon (2 days into the trip) I was moping around feeling lonely and ignored. One of the staff guys, who happens to be hugely intelligent and understanding and just the sort of guy you WANT to talk to about your problems, saw me and immediately knew that I needed to talk.

So I spilled everything out to him, and he made some amazingly on-point observations. He said that he went through the same thing in high school, especially his senior year, and he had to figure out how to deal with it - and then he said that NO ONE really fits in anywhere - it's only those who are intelligent and at least somewhat in tune to their emotions that notice it.

Thinking it, I realized that he really is right. Anyone you talk to, if you really ask them and make them think about it, feels like others understand them. People fall into "groups" but even those who seem integral don't feel like the others REALLY care. The people who truly do think they fit in... well, maybe there's a *reason* why those groups all seem superficial. Maybe all the people in the groups haven't gone deeper into themselves then that.

The fact that none of us feel that we fit in really is yet another indicator of the level of people RinkWorks draws - people who take the time and energy to really think about themselves and the world about them.

My week, by the way, got much better. My best friend made me talk to him about what was wrong later that same day. I talked to my other close friend the next day, and she spent much less time with her boyfriend. I ended up hanging out with my best friend and his friend for a lot of the week, and I really did feel comfortable with them.

A few interesting observations about that - they're both guys, and I often feel more comfortable with groups of guys than I do with girls. Also, we have the three highest SAT scores and probably GPAs in the senior class. Is that a valid point, or is it coincidence? I tend to think it's the first - we all have a level of intelligence and introspection that we feel the other two understand. Although I have good friends who aren't "smart", I often click better with those that are. Maybe this makes me sound prideful, but I think it's more of an issue of understanding.

"Are not lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for?" (C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain)

What does intelligence have to do with that? Probably a lot... this is getting a bit theological, but if God has given us certain fundamental desires, wouldn't we better understand the desires of those to whom God has given similar fundamental gifts? It would probably make more sense if you'd read the book.... but I think that quote says a lot of what I'm thinking.

Ki"this post rambled a bit"ki