> Here's a question for all the married couples of the rink forum: What is it like to be married? It's been on my mind a lot lately, because my girlfriend and I talk about it a lot. I think its really scary to think about, like how do you know if that person is the one? What's it like to have someone that wants to spend their entire life with you? That blows my mind, its hard to think that someone can love somebody that much. And it's scary to think that my girlfriend and I are talking about it now. I guess I just wanted to know what your opinions on the matter are.

One thing I plan to advise my kids someday, when they're considering marriage, is this: Don't count on marriage changing your personality or that of your spouse. If you have conflicts now, you'll still have them when you're married. Yes, you'll change in some ways -- you'll have to -- but old personality traits are tenacious and subtle in their ability to sabotage marital agreement. Figure out ways to resolve your basic disagreements *now*, and if you can't, then consider not marrying that person. Don't rush things; take lots of time to really learn whether or not you both want to spend the rest of your lives together.

My other advice, hinted at in that last sentence, is to marry for life. Don't enter marriage as an experimental contract that can be canceled if it doesn't work out. Marriage is a pledge not just between the husband and wife, but between the two of them and the community, and above all, in the case of a Christian marriage, between the two of them and God.

You didn't ask for advice, of course; you asked for descriptions of what marriage is like. So here goes. For one thing, it cures loneliness and gives you the great comfort of companionship. It also reduces your personal time. After awhile, it creates a feeling of having genuinely entered maturity and adulthood, and it often causes others to think of you as more responsible in general. It continues the change in your social life that began when you stopped hanging around with your friends so much and started spending time with your girlfriend/boyfriend. Marriage is alternately exciting and frustrating. It teaches you about yourself and challenges you to grow out of your old selfish perspective on the world.

There's more to be said, but I'll leave it for others. For that matter, there's a lot more that I don't even know, since I'm only three and a half years into marriage myself. Enough time to start guessing that what I've seen so far is just the part of the iceburg that floats above the depths. :-)

Iss "with this ring..." achar