Sam's analogy to exes-as-friends being like pulling off a band-aid slowly is perfect. Pulling off the band-aid slowly is a long pain with occasional unexpected flashes of intensity, when the glue tugs on a hair. Very apt image.

I've been in love three times in my life. (I don't know the nature of your relationship, Don. I'm assuming it was love.) The first guy was named Sam, and he was one of my housemates in Memphis. When it ended, we both wanted a friendship. I thought I would be all cool and emotionally stable and mature, and most of the time, I was. But then something would click in my head, and I'd hurt so much. But I had to hide it, so that he would continue to think I was mellow and "evolved". This ordeal was drawn out for years. We still correspond, and I'm glad I stuck it out--he is invaluable, and though we don't see each other or talk much becasue of distance, he'll always be in touch. This was one of those instances where the friendship was actually worth something, rather than an attempt to ease the pain. But, I don't think I'll try it again if Mike becomes another ex.

The second man was named Robert, and about a year ago, I called him at his house in London and he told me it was over. I said Ok, and hung up. Since he's on the other side of the world, (rather than living down the hall like Sam did) I have never seen or talked to him since. He never sent letters, or left messages of any sort. I, however, went into meltdown. I cried, I wrote him ten-page hysterical letters, I got drunk, I slept for 20 hours and stayed awake for 50, I lost ten pounds and my hair fell out. This lasted for about a week, and then the fog lifted and though I still hurt, the worst was behind me. And though my love for Robert was deeper than it was for Sam, the end was less painful, because it was dealt with and left behind.

To sum up my advice, to anyone, not just Don, is completely cut off contact. Sure it sucks, but you'll know when it's healed, none of this sneaking-up-on-you-when-they-mention-their-date-with-Patrick-Stewart-or-Sporty-Spice-or-whatever. And that will be it.

Well, I told all this so that you'll know I understand. I'm glad you're questioning the value of the friendship, Don. You may have the potential for a worthwhile friendship, or not, but you're going into it with your eyes open.

--Jez"gonna date a 20-year-old when I'm 37 :)"zika