> > I would really like any advice/help/comfort people can give me right now.
>
> The first thing I want to say is that Wes isn't as confused as he thinks he is.
>
> I know the natural inclination after a break-up is to cling to close friendship as much as you can. It's rather like peeling off a bandaid slowly instead of ripping the whole thing off. It's going to be an ordeal to become friends by backing into friendship -- backing away hurts. You're far better off not being friends at all, and then building back up to that. Building is an emotionally fulfilling venture; backing up is not.
>
> I'm afraid I have less advice to give you than I'd like, because what I can observe it seems you already know. You know friends don't have to tell other friends all about their dating lives or anything other aspect of their lives. They confide in each other what they want to, when they want to, and that's a matter of their choosing. Granted, if a friendship is close enough, it's only natural, and not particularly wrong, for you to become hurt if your friend doesn't let you in on something important. But the situation you describe is different for two reasons. One, as Wes says, if it was only a couple of dates, small wonder she didn't say anything. She may not have told anybody at all. Kind of like how couples don't like to say -- to friends, family, anyone -- they're expecting a baby for sometimes months after they know. Two, you're not just regular old ordinary friends. You're recovering from a break-up. It's not going to be much of a break-up if you're still having every heart-to-heart possible and jumping to tell each other everything.
>
> You're over the worst of the pain of breaking up, I'm sure, but it's not over yet. You're still feeling separation anxiety, still distraught inside when something happens that indicates you're not "close." Keep backing away, the quicker the better. It's much easier to take steps forward again if you back away too far, than it is to cope if you don't back away enough.
>
> I realize my advice to you says too much "what" and not enough "how." Sorry about that.

Well, you hit it on the head again. You gave enough "what" to help me understand the situation. The "how" I can get to on my own. I was going to argue that we should be in a close friendship because we were trying to be friends like we were before-- but then I realized that this kind of thinking is EXACTLY what you meant when you talked about when you mentioned "backing into friendship". The fact that my ONE counter-argument walked right into something you had already said told me that you must have something figured out correctly here. I worry that it will be hard to not be friends with her, but heck, we're halfway there already... She was actually mad at me before I emailed her on Friday because she felt that I was not putting any effort into our friendship. I had my reasons, of course, but she did not know them. More and more, we are drifting apart... But you're right, I just don't want to let go of EVERYTHING. As Ticia said to me in a PM in chat, I put a lot of time into this relationship, and even though it's over, I don't want to lose all that hard work. I managed to let go of the relationship, though... And it's not like I have to end the friendship completely, I just have to accept that it's not going to be as close as it was before we went out. (Heck, before we went out, all we wanted to DO was date each other, so OF COURSE the frienship was close.)

I think that's enough rambling for now. I feel a lot better. Not that I will complain if more people reply with advice and support. :-)

Don "Mood Swing King" Monkey