> Um...
>
> I just got an email from Amanda in reply to one I sent yesterday. We have been chatting back and forth through email for a few days now. Anyway, she still seems hesitant to trust me on some things, and it seems at times that I have to ask the right questions or she will never tell me anything. Case in point: We promised each other a while ago to be open with each other about dating situations in our lives. We discussed it thoroughly, and came to the conclusion that we should tell one another about that sort of stuff. My reasoning was that we were still trying to be friends, and I said that if she were in a relationship and trying NOT to let me know, I would probably find out sooner or later (she would let something slip, or I would hear something from her sister who I see weekly and talk to two or three times a week). When I did find out, the fact that I knew AND that I knew she had been trying not to let me know would be worse than her just telling me about it in the first place.
>
> Anyway, on Monday, she sent me an email which made some small talk, and asked me if I had met anyone, and telling me that if I had, I should tell her about it (because she was curious). I told her that I was not, but then forget to ask her if she had met anyone until two replies later. A few minutes ago, I got her response. For simplicity, I will copy and past the relevant portion here.
>
> "Yes, it is a date, and I have seen the guy a couple times before. I just
> didn't want to mention it in case you flipped, seeing as everyone else I know
> has. He's 37 in case you're wondering why. Please don't gossip to Moni about
> it. My family knows I'm seeing him, but they don't know how old he is, and I'd
> rather they didn't in case nothing comes of it."
>
> The "Yes, it is a date" part made no sense-- even in context I cannot figure out what she was referring to. I only included it so as not to jump in mid-sentence. Moni is Amanda's sister. Amanda is 20.
>
> On to the reason why I'm posting.
>
> First, Amanda did not tell me about this guy until now. She says she didn't because of the age thing and worrying I would flip about that, but she told her family about him without mentioning the age, so I don't buy that. That's not a big deal, at least not for you people, though. I'll deal with that on my own, I just wanted to mention it.
>
> Second, and more important, I am finding myself unbelievably bothered by this. It has been two and a half months since she broke up with me, which seems a little qucik to me, but I would probably date if I had met someone, so I don't hold that against her. (Besides, the amount of time needed to wait is a matter of personal preference anyway.) However, I have no idea how long she has been seeing this guy, and it feels like she is keeping things from me again. That shouldn't even matter-- We broke up, so what business is it of mine who she's dating? I could say that it matters because we are still trying to be friends, and the obvious answer to that (at least to me) is that I shouldn't bother continuing to try to be her friend if she can't make the effort of keeping her promises to me and telling me about details as big as a new guy in her life. I don't even know if I want her as a friend, but I feel like I do. I'm not interested in her romantically anymore, I'm confident of that. Maybe I just wonder what is so wrong with me that she wouldn't want to be with me but would jump into a relationship with a 37 year old guy so soon after breaking up with me. Based on that last sentence, maybe the age DOES matter to me. I don't think that I think there's anything wrong with me-- I know her reasons for breaking up with me. Maybe it's the thought of those reasons going into action so soon... I would discuss those reasons a little more, but the family nature of this site prevents a thorough discussion of them.
>
> I know that last paragraph is rambling and disjointed. I don't think I could do much to clean it up. I think it is probably clear that I don't know what exactly is bothering me, but that SOMETHING is. My arms have been tense since I read that email from the strain of keeping them from physically shaking. My temperature has been all messed up. I can't focus on my work right now, even though I should be really busy. After reading that email from her, the first thing I did was write a positive response to her, trying to coax more information out of her (especially in regards to the confusing things she said-- there were others not included in my quote as well as the one I mentioned). The second thing I did was come here and start typing this message.
>
> I would really like any advice/help/comfort people can give me right now. I may not know why, but this is really messing me up. I hate to have to turn to you guys to ask for support again, because I feel like so often I am the only one asking, but you are all so GOOD at it. If anyone would like, I can post the email thread which provides all the context for this, so you can see for yourselves the whole story. I guess I am looking for some kind of advice on how I should feel about all this. I just don't know. Maybe I'm looking for advice on what to do about this, but I doubt that because I don't think you guys have enough info to be able to tell me that sort of thing. Mostly, I think I just want to talk this out, and although I will probably do that with my roommate at home tonight, I find that usually, the more thoughts I get on something like this, the better.
>
> Sorry again to be so dependant.
>
> Don "Upset" Monkey

But I WILL comfort you, since you comforted me about my Yahoo Games problem (and thanks for that).

I've never dated, but it seems that you would feel a little edgy after you break up with someone and then find out abruptly that they're seeing someone else. I could comment on the 37 year old thing if I knew how old you were. It's maybe a little--what's the word I want...I'll say unusual for now--for a 20 year old woman to date a 37 year old man, but not too much. It could be worse, I suppose.

The fact that she brought it up so suddenly shows that she might have wanted you to know about it, but didn't have the courage to tell you directly.

Quartz, glad to have something else to think about besides Yahoo (but not really at the expense of your having a problem)
~~*Q*~~