> So, happen to have a copy that we can read?
>
> -Ka"You can have Hamlet, but the re-writing of MacBeth is MINE! Erm, even if it takes a while to plan out...."z!

Here you go! Sam was kind enough to retrieve my self-chat of Hamlet (with assistance by dingdong, who had insomnia again). I've kept all the "Faux_Pas:" in there just to make it really really hard on your eyes.

Without further ado, some ado:

===


Faux_Pas has entered.

RinkChat: The chat room topic has been changed to 'Hamlet' by Faux_Pas.
RinkChat: User Faux_Pas has been labeled 'guards' by Faux_Pas.
Faux_Pas: Who's that?
RinkChat: User Faux_Pas has been labeled 'Horatio' by Faux_Pas.
Faux_Pas: Me.
RinkChat: User Faux_Pas has been labeled 'guards' by Faux_Pas.
* Faux_Pas notes that labels don't really show up in the main chat window. He starts over.

Faux_Pas: Guards: Who's that?
Faux_Pas: Horatio: It's me.
Faux_Pas: Guards: Oh, we thought you were the ghost again.
Faux_Pas: Horatio: Ghost? What are you talking abo --- WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?
Faux_Pas: Ghost: Boo.
Faux_Pas: Horatio and Guards: Let's go tell Hamlet about this.
Faux_Pas: [they leave]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Hey, Horatio. What's up?
Faux_Pas: Horatio: We saw a ghost that looked like your dad.
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Cool. Let's go check it out.
Faux_Pas: [Ghost appears]
Faux_Pas: Ghost: Boo.

flyingcats has entered.
RinkChat: User Faux_Pas has been labeled 'Hamlet' by Faux_Pas.
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Hey! Come back here!
flyingcats: (Shhh. I'm not here. In fact, I'm leaving. Have fun!)
flyingcats has left.

Faux_Pas: Ghost: Hamlet, I am your father. Your uncle killed me and married your mother. Avenge me. [disappears]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: I shall now either go insane or pretend to do so.
Faux_Pas: [end scene]

Faux_Pas: [Rosencrantz and Guilderstern and Claudius and Gertrude enter]
Faux_Pas: [and Claudius and Polonius]
Faux_Pas: [er, Laertes]
Faux_Pas: Laertes: Well, I'm off to Paris or someplace.
Faux_Pas: All: Bye!
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Rosencratnz and Guilderstern! There's something troubling Hamlet. Find out what it is, okay?
Faux_Pas: R&G: Okay, boss.
Faux_Pas: Gertrude: Why didn't I have any lines here? I'm sure I had lines in the real version.
Faux_Pas: [all leave]
Faux_Pas: [end scene]

Faux_Pas: [new scene: Polonius and Ophelia are present]
Faux_Pas: Ophelia: I think Hamlet's mad!
Faux_Pas: Polonius: Mad? With love, you mean!
Faux_Pas: [exuent]
Faux_Pas: [Rosencrantz and Guilderstern and Polonius and Hamlet enter]
Faux_Pas: R&G: The players are here!
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: cluck, cluck.
Faux_Pas: Polonius: The players are here!
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: buzz, buzz.
Faux_Pas: [Polonius leaves]
Faux_Pas: R&G: Hamlet, are you feeling okay?
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: No, but I'm not going to tell you why.
Faux_Pas: R&G: Oh.
Faux_Pas: [The Players enter]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: I love you guys! You're the best!
Faux_Pas: Players: [trade lines with Hamlet]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Can you put on The Murder of Gonzago? I just want to change a few lines here and there to get screenwriter's credit.
Faux_Pas: Players: Anything for a fan.
Faux_Pas: [everyone leaves but Hamlet]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Hee hee. I'll actually take a copy of Hamlet and change the names around a bit! That'll show 'im!
Faux_Pas: [exuently]

Faux_Pas: [completely new scene: Claudius, Gertrude, Rosencrantz, Guilderstern, and Polonius are present]
Faux_Pas: Claudius: R&G, did you find out what's wrong with Hamlet?
Faux_Pas: R&G: No.
Faux_Pas: [R&G leave]
Faux_Pas: Polonius: I think he likes Ophelia. Let's spy on them.
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Smashing idea!
Faux_Pas: Gertrude: I'm certain I had lines here.
Faux_Pas: [all hide behind something. Hamlet enters.]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: To be or not. That's a question. Is this a dagger I see before me? MacBeth should have that.
Faux_Pas: [Ophelia enters]
Faux_Pas: Ophelia: Hi, Hamlet!
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Bugger off.
Faux_Pas: [Ophelia flees]
Faux_Pas: Polonius: You see? He's in love with her!
Faux_Pas: [all exuent, exuently]

* Faux_Pas tries to remember what happens next.
Faux_Pas: Aha!

Faux_Pas: [The Players enter along with the rest of the cast]
Faux_Pas: The Players: And now, a play called The Murder of Hamlet's Father by Claudius with All the Names Changed.
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Hee hee.
Faux_Pas: [The Players commence]
Faux_Pas: [The first Player, wearing a crown, is poisoned by a second Player, who steals the crown. The second Player (wearing an "I'm Claudius" t-shirt) jumps on the widow of the first Player.]
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Ack!
Faux_Pas: [Claudius rises]
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Give me light!
Faux_Pas: [Claudius runs out of the room, exuently. Everyone exuents but Hamlet and the Players.]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: I thought that went rather well.
Faux_Pas: [exuent]

Faux_Pas: [Polonius hides in Gertrudes' closet for some reason that's not at all naughty.]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Hi Mom. What's wrong?
Faux_Pas: Gertrude: You're grounded.
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Grounded? That sucks!
Faux_Pas: Polonius: Help! Help!
Faux_Pas: [Hamlet stabs Polonius in the arras]
Faux_Pas: Polonius: Arg. [dies]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Oh, geez. Killed the wrong guy.
Faux_Pas: [Hamlet takes the body and runs]
Faux_Pas: [end scene]

Faux_Pas: [altogether new scene with various people from the play present]
dingdong has entered.
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Hamlet! Where is Polonius' body?
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Wait a while and follow your nose.
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Grr.
dingdong: eeewww
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Fine. Go to England. Take this. Take Rosencrantz and Guilderstern.
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Okay.
dingdong: Guildenstern and Rosencrantz.
Faux_Pas: [Hamlet leaves for England]
dingdong: Have I missed the players?
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Hee hee.
Faux_Pas: [end scene]
dingdong: Boo. Hiss.
dingdong: What happens next?

Faux_Pas: [another scene: Ophelia and Gertrude are present]
Faux_Pas: Gertrude: Ophelia, what's wrong.
Faux_Pas: Ophelia: I'm now nuts.
Faux_Pas: [Ophelia runs away and drowns]
dingdong: She crazy in the coconut.
Faux_Pas: [Laertes enters]
Faux_Pas: Laertes: Arg! Ophelia!
dingdong: Oh, brother.
Faux_Pas: [Claudius enters]
dingdong: Get some vengeance happening, Laertes!
dingdong: Boo hiss!
Faux_Pas: [Claudius remembers he's not in this scene so he sneaks back out.]
Faux_Pas: [all exuent, exuently]

Faux_Pas: [totally new scene in a graveyard]
dingdong: Bad Claudius, not only was he evil but he also tried to upstage all the other actors.
Faux_Pas: [enter Horatio and Hamlet]
Faux_Pas: Horatio: How'd you get back?
dingdong: Yorrick: IIIIIIIIII..... aint got no body...
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Pirates. or ninjas. or something. Hey! It's Billy Crystal in a cameo!
Faux_Pas: Billy Crystal as the Gravedigger: Check out this skull. It was Yorick's.
dingdong: Billy the gravedigger!!!
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Hey, Horatio. I knew this guy. [tosses skull back to Billy Crystal]
dingdong: Alas poor yorrick...
Faux_Pas: [enter a funeral procession]
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Who's getting buried?
Faux_Pas: Laertes: My sister -- and you killed her! Grr!
dingdong: Poor Ophelia...
Faux_Pas: Laertes: Let's fight to the death in the final scene!
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Okay!
Faux_Pas: [end scene]

Faux_Pas: [final scene]
dingdong: Gertrude: I am the supreme cow, but here, have a swig off this before you duel.
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Laertes -- use this sword. It's special!
dingdong: Magic powers, and all...
Faux_Pas: Laertes: Okay.
dingdong: May the best man win...
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Let's bring it on!
dingdong: Actually, if any man comes out alive it'll be a miracle.
Faux_Pas: [Hamlet and Laertes fight]
dingdong: Laertes thrusts!
dingdong: Hamlet parries!
Faux_Pas: Claudius: And just in case Hamlet does win... [poisons victory cup]
dingdong: They have a big Errol Flynn style swordfight!
Faux_Pas: [Hamlet gets nicked with the poisoned blade]
Faux_Pas: Ow.
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Ow.
dingdong: That smarts..
Faux_Pas: [Hamlet takes the poisoned blade away from Laertes and nicks him a good one.]
dingdong: Hamlet begins the death stagger.
Faux_Pas: Laertes: Ow.
Faux_Pas: Gertrude: Cheers! [drinks poison by mistake]
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Gert! No! Oops.
dingdong: mmmm...tastes like chicken...
Faux_Pas: Gertrude: Ack. [dies]
Faux_Pas: Laertes: Ack. It was Claudius. [dies]
dingdong: Get him!
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Here, "Dad", have a drink. [makes Claudius drink poison then stabs him in the throat.]
Faux_Pas: Claudius: Ack. [dies]
dingdong: Yay!
dingdong: Is everyone dead yet?
Faux_Pas: Hamlet: Horatio! I'm poisoned! But before I die, let me make a brief speech -- Ack. [dies].
Faux_Pas: Fortinbras: Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?
Faux_Pas: THE END.
dingdong: Good night sweet prince. May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
Faux_Pas: [Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are killed off in the lobby as the audience exits]

dingdong: Curtain call!
Faux_Pas: This has been a production of Something is Wrong in the State of Rinkworks, a Rinkworks production.
dingdong: Bravo! Bravo!
* Faux_Pas bows.
Faux_Pas: Thank you, thank you.
* dingdong applauds wildly, tears of emotion dripping down her face.
* Faux_Pas is given a @-`-,--`,--`-,-- by dingdong.
* Faux_Pas waves to the audience.
* dingdong actually throws that rose all the way to the stage.
* Faux_Pas also blows kisses, then the curtain drops again. Various people assist with the removal of all the dead bodies.
Faux_Pas: Shouldn't have used real poison, but it does cut down on wages.
RinkChat: The chat room topic has been removed by Faux_Pas.
dingdong: You just have to keep a good store of understudies.
RinkChat: User Faux_Pas has been unlabeled by Faux_Pas.
Faux_Pas: Ain't that the truth.

- Faux "dingdong: And actors are pretty expendable." Pas