Re: Poetry Pool
alissa, on host 205.188.199.47
Saturday, January 15, 2000, at 08:32:37
Re: Poetry Pool posted by Wolfspirit on Friday, January 14, 2000, at 18:44:13:
> > This is kinda sorta related to that. I can't decide if I should submit this or not. What do you guys think? > > > > Upon the Death of a Prisoner > > > > "Morituri te salutant!" > > The phrase echoes in > > Her head once again, > > A bitter tear slides down. > > Here stands a boy. . . > > To be torn apart by lions. > > He walks past her, > > Doesn't even see her. > > The boy is gone > > Into his world of > > Pain and destruction, > > Into the jaws of > > Hideous beasts. > > The girl brushes away > > That single tear and > > She keeps walking. > > He is gone forever. > > > > I'd really appreciate the input. > > > > ali "thanks a bunch" ssa > > > Hi alissa. I like the fierce imagery. I do have some confusion there, over Who is the exact focus of this arena Circus. Like, Who is the Prisoner to be executed? Is it the Boy about to be torn apart... or the Narrator telling the story who's being emotionally betrayed... or both? > > I think it's the dissonance between reading the title (3rd person singular intransitive?) and the first line (3rd person plural direct?) that's confusing me. > > Wolf "But by all means submit -- I like it!" spirit
It's the boy. The girl is just watching. The first line is the announcement made before the "games" start. However, I do want the reader to feel the helpless position of the girl. Thank you for letting me know what you think.
ali "I can't think of anything to say here" ssa
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