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At-A-Glance Film Reviews

The 13th Warrior (1999)

Rating

[1.0]

Reviews and Comments

The culture clash of an Arab teaming up with Vikings is interesting, and that's the only good thing I can say about this movie. In a nutshell, this Arab (Antonio Banderas) journeys northward with some Vikings warriors to wipe out some monster things that keep raiding villages and killing people. The monsters attack, and there's a fight, and then everybody rests and recuperates. Then the monsters, and there's a fight, and then everybody rests and recuperates. Then they attack the monsters, and there's a fight, and then everybody rests and recuperates. One final showdown, and the movie can end. If only I could give something away with a plot summary.

It's not obvious from the beginning that the movie will turn out poorly. The production value is reasonable, and there is always the potential that the story is leading up to a payoff. Perhaps there are secrets to be revealed. Perhaps we will learn more about the characters, and perhaps they'll be forced, at some point, to confront their innermost fears, resolve long-standing conflicts, or devise an ingenious way to ensure the settlement's survival against the monsters. None of this ever happens. The characters turn out not to be characters at all but soulless walking corpses, distinguishable only be differing hairstyles. The battle with the monsters never consists of more than spurts of conventional combat (plus one "sneak around in enemy camp" sequence that ultimately means nothing). What was anybody involved with this thinking?

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