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The Mystery of Paradise Island

By Samuel Stoddard

Danger On Paradise Island: Chapter 3

Note: Click on the pictures to enlarge them.

Danger On Paradise Island: Chapter 3

: Good morning, Ramona! Gee willikers! This sure is a great breakfast! And look -- another apple!
10Kan: Apple is back! I was SO WORRIED!
Zup: Whoa!
NessaChan: don't eat it, Tyler!
Crystal109: Mm apple.
whitehelm: I bet it's another poisoned apple
: Good morning, Ramona! Gee willikers! This sure is a great breakfast! And look -- an apple!
: ...
NessaChan: Poor Tyler Wyler
10Kan: I bet it's the original apple, taped back together.
: Did you sleep well?? I slept like the dead! ...I mean...
: ...
* Zup expects the doctor to be the hot chick. Or the cowboy.
: Too bad we have to eat breakfast in the dining room, instead of the breakfast room, on account of the dead body in there! But it's a smart thing to do. My daddy always used to say, never mix dead bodies and food. You could catch gangrene!
: Ok, I just lost my appetite. How about you take your stupid apple and your stupid teeth and the stupid words coming out of it and -- oh, let's see, how would you put it? -- 23 skidoo?
: Well golly, what's the matter with you? Did somebody wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?? *gleam*
: I don't know, Tyler Do-Right, but somebody's going to get his face punched to the wrong side of his head if he doesn't shut up.
: ...
: Say, Ramona. Wanna take a stroll on the beach while the sunrise is still pretty? I bet you wouldn't be such a pouty face if we just got to know each other! Hey, we could sing songs! Do you know the ones that goes--
: AAAARGH! Holy crap, I just chewed you out, and you're still hitting on me! Unbelievable! Do you have any idea how EXCRUCIATING it is just to be near you and your stupidity?? Aargh! It feels like my brain just exploded and is leaking out my ears!
* Zup wonders why the guys are attracted to her, of all people.
: Do you see this? *spit* Do you see that hock of spit? Aww, I got it all over your shirt, SO SORRY! Do you see that? That snotty glop of spit has more value to the world than you do. There will be more people at its funeral than at yours. Spitting on you was an act of mercy. Now you're just a little less repulsive than you were before. Now stop talking to me. Stop blundering into my field of vision. Stop reminding me you exist, and THEN maybe I won't be such a 'pouty face.' Got it?
10Kan: Oh man, Tyler. Ramona is SO into you.
Nyperold: "So is that a 'maybe'?"
Zup: Wow.
Crystal109: They are so falling in love. Even if they die.
NessaChan: Ramona is evil
Crystal109: These are awesome insults. =P
Zup: She doesn't know how to put anything lightly, eh?
* Crystal109 takes notes for future use.
Maryam: Zup: To be fair, Tyler couldn't take a hint if you knocked him out with it.
Zup: This is prime Romantic Comedy! We'll see them fall for each other soon enough!
10Kan: Or we'll just see them fall.
: :-(
NessaChan: Poor Tyler Wyler!
: Fine. I get it. I'll go away. *leaves*
Randy: awww
10Kan: Heck hath no fury like an apple-man scorned.
: Unbelievable.
NessaChan: Ramona needs to go to Juvie
: What about after lunc--
: GO!
: Sorry! *leaves again*
10Kan: LOL
Maryam: LOL
: Morning, Ramona.
: Morning, Katie!
: What was all that yelling?
: Oh, nothing -- that Tyler idiot was coming onto me, and I put him in his place.
: Ramona, you've got to stop laying into people like that.
: What for?
: What for??
10Kan: Give them what for!
: Yeah, what do I care about the Dental Wonder Boy?
: You mean besides that he never did anything to you? ... We're supposed to be keeping a low profile here. You are neck deep in trouble, Ramona, but we came here anyway to try to get you out of it. We are right in the middle of the lion's den, and we can't afford to take risks. If you can't think of yourself, think of Matt and me. We shouldn't even be here--
: Then leave!
: No, wait--Ramona, that's not what I meant. I--
: When the doctor arrives, take the helicopter back. I got myself into this, and I can get myself out of it. *leaves*
: *sigh*
: Too bad about Genevieve, huh, Camille?
: Yeah. Oh, don't let's talk about that now. It's too frightening.
: So what brings you out to a place like this, huh?
: *giggle* You think it takes somethin' special to bring a girl out to a tropical island mansion?
: Well sure, but why this one?
: You tell me first.
: *smile* A week ago, I was selling insurance door-to-door -- no kidding, just like in a movie from the 30s--
: *giggle* Aw, you're lyin' to me!
: Honest truth! Heh. And I knock on this old lady's house. Place was all run down. Weeds growing everywhere. Shingles falling off the roof. I already figure I'm wasting my time, right? I mean, she can't even afford to replace the rattiest looking welcome mat I've ever seen in my life. *chuckle*
: *giggle*
: But I have to try, 'cause I'm a company man, and when they tell me to knock door-to-door on the dumpiest street in town, I do it.
* 10Kan salutes our lying detective/assassin guy.
: Well I knock on this door, and this old lady comes out -- at LEAST twice as old as Jay--
: *snicker* And with a wart on her nose, I suppose?
: Oh yeah. Warts everywhere. Her whole face was one entire wart.
: *laugh*
: --and I get three words into my pitch, and darned if she doesn't have a double barrel pointing right up my nose.
: No!
: I booked it out of there like I've never run in my life, and the whole time I'm asking myself, WHAT am I doing with my life?
: *laugh*
: I said, I'm going online, find the most far away island I can. Someplace with no crazy old lady tourists, just sunshine and...great company.
: Mmmm, that's quite a story.
: So how about you?
: Come on, I told you my story. It's only fair.
: *smile* ... *hesitate* ... *smile* ... Tell you what, insurance man. I'll tell you my story if you do one thing for me.
: And what...*scooches closer* thing would that be?
10Kan: Oh my!
: Take off that silly trenchcoat.
Crystal109: Eeeesh.
10Kan: Things are heating up!
: Wha-*chuckle*-at?
: Don't you know it's a hundred degrees out here?
Zup: Yay Southern hottie!
: All right, Camille. I--what's that?
10Kan: A distraction!
: *emerging from the hotel* Helicopter. Doctor is here.
: Boy, this island sure is popular, all of a sudden. Only jobs I ever did there for years was to bring the owner in and out a couple times a year. But a couple days ago, I brought this old Chinese dude out, and since then getting people there has been a full time job!
* 10Kan writes all this down in his detective notebook.
: That so?
Crystal109: COWBOY.
: That's so. Course, I knew it was coming. The owner hired me for this job a long time ago. Sure didn't expect such a colorful mix of passengers, though!
Nyperold: Colorful as in sepia?
: That so?
: That's so. And now a real, live cowboy to top it off! Sure not usual to see cowboys in my line, and that's so, too.
Maryam: LOL
: Well, I shore 'ppreciate it, mister. Ain't evry day a man kin he'p out his fella man, pick up a little cash, and see such perty country, all in the same bargain.
Maryam: Where's LaZorra when you need her?
: Oh? You got business out this way? I guess it isn't that strange. When you own a private island, people come to you, not the other way around.
: Ah speck so, but this is diffrent.
: *shrug* Whatever you say, sir. Ok, here we are. Let me just set her down....
: Welcome to Paradise Island, doctor. I am Jay.
10Kan: He's not the doctor! He killed the doctor and took his place!
10Kan: Now he's on a terrible mission of vengance, and one of the guests is his target!
: Howdy, mister. Ladies.
: Hi.
: *appraising smile* Well...!
: *snerk*
: Pardon. Was expecting doctor, not cowboy.
: Oh, I'm your doc, all right, mister. Least for now. This here's a remote part of the world. There'll be a proper doctor 'n the law 'long later, but I was on hand when the message came through'n here ah am.
: *shrug* This way, please.
: You gotta name, cowboy?
: People call me Buck, miss.
Crystal109: BUCK?
Zup: Awww, Woody was my guess.
: Welcome to our li'l ole island...Buck.
: Jumpin' Jeehoshaphat! Aww, pardon mah languige, ladies. But this place shor ain't nuthin' like th'ranch back home, that's for shor.
: Hahaha. Wait till you see the inside. It's got running water and indoor bathrooms.
NessaChan: lol, I have a weird desire to know what these people are like in real life
Crystal109: Nessa: You and me both.
Maryam: Nessa: I know. It would be so awesome if one of them came to RinkChat someday.
: Hi! This our doct--oh.
: Yes. Is doct--oh.
Maryam: Hehe.
Zup: This our Doctor...? How do you finish that sentence?
Crystal109: This our doctor?
: Hello, doctor.
: Naw, call me Buck. Truth be told, ah'm jus' a horse doctor, offrin' what he'p ah can, till the real doc gits here.
iwpg: LOL
10Kan: LOL
Zup: So the hottie's the real doctor.
10Kan: If Genevieve has a broken leg, he'll rule it justifiable homicide.
: Just this way, please.
: Aww, now, if that ain't a sad sight. Pore girl. This apple was next to her, like it is now?
Kalimeris: the sideways pictures make me laugh.
: *nod*
: Well, lemme see....
: Cranial...bruising. Probly hit her haid when she fell.
: Her eyes...sclera don't show no sign o' poison....
: Trauma to the throat, though. Hmmm. *sticks finger down her throat*
10Kan: EWW
: Lookit that. Bit o' that apple.
Zup: ew
: Ew.
: That's it. I'm outta here.
: Well, it don't look to me like anythin' but she was eatin' this here apple, and a bit went down her windpipe'n got stuck. Heimlich mighta saved her, but ah take it she was all 'lone?
: Afraid correct.
10Kan: This is a clear case of Snow White syndrome.
Crystal109: Why does this feel like....yeah, what 10K said.
: *meaningful glance at Matt*
: *meaningful glance at Hayley*
Zup: I dun trust dis doc.
: We should wait for the real doc to confirm, though. You gotta big walk-in freezer or sumthin'? This body's gonna start stinkin' real bad if we don't move her somewheres cold.
Crystal109: Walk-in freezer? Ew.
: Downstairs. Will help carry.
: I'll help, Mrityunjay. You show us the way.
NessaChan: dun dun dun
10Kan: Will the other girl be the doctor...or the law?
: *erk*
: *hungh*
: She's heavy!
10Kan: That's not a basement, that's a freakin' catacombs!
NessaChan: ooh catacombtastic
Zup: She's not heavy, she's your brother!
: There. I reckon now she'll keep till the real doc kin look at her proper.
: Mister, if you don't mind, I'd like to see my room. Mebbe warsh up a bit.
Maryam: WARSH
: Of course. Will show to room.
: I think I'll go for a walk, ok. Be back later?
: Yeah, whatever.
: You know, Mr. Insurance Man. A walk sounds kinda nice. *flutter*
: It does, doesn't it? Shall we catch up with her?
: Wha--?
: *wink*
: Why, you! Such a tease -- you know I don't want to take a walk with her!
: Mrityunjay?
: Yes, Cody?
: I was wondering if I could talk to you.
: Say what on mind.
: What can you tell me about the master of this place?
Zup: The owner is a man, right? The copter guy said so.
* TalkingDog wonders if Jay *is* like Yoda. He tells Cody Skywalker he'd take him to see Yoda, but he's Yoda all along! Except 800 years younger.
NessaChan: Wiley'ol Mrityunjay...
: Why Cody so curious?
: I just.... Something's not right, and I can't figure out what it is.
Nyperold: I can. Ramona's the one getting hit on. ;-)
Sam: Nyp: LOL. Hey, Ramona's a fine piece of womanflesh.
10Kan: Sam: I think she's a bit underdone.
Crystal109: She's not a piece of MEAT guys.
Sam: I think I'm going to ask Leen if it's ok to get a poster-sized blow-up of Ramona framed and hung over the bed.
Crystal109: Sam: Somehow, I don't think that's a good idea.
Sam: Crys: You're right, though. She's not just a piece of meat. She also has a charming personality.
: Regret to say, have never met owner of island.
: Well, how did you get hired to welcome us?
: Arranged by phone. Man call. Say he wish hire Mrityunjay. Say he expect guests at island home but cannot be there to greet. So -- can I greet for him...serve food...till he arrive.
: A man? Did you recognize his voice?
: Man's voice not belong to anyone on island.
whitehelm: Yes, voice puts situation most troubling
Crystal109: Who was it in And Then There Were None? Uncle someone whatsit?
Sam: I don't remember his name, actually.
Kalimeris: Hey, yeah
Kalimeris: There was an AC game based on And Then There Were None, that almost reminds me of this
Kalimeris: Only because Jay was hired and knows not the owner
Kalimeris: Mr U. N. Owen.
Kalimeris: In the game, anyway.
whitehelm: which is based on the book
Sam: And Then There Were None was of course the inspiration for this, but I'm trying (sometimes continually reminding myself to try) to diverge from that story in all but the general outline.
: But why you? Didn't you think it strange that some stranger called you up to do that?
: Cody...more complicated than that. Must excuse now. Need to prepare lunch.
: Sure, ok. Need any help?
: Thank you, but no. *bows*
: *bows*
: *giggle* *splash!*
: Aaugh! Hey! Ok, you're asking for it.
: Noooooo! hahahahaha
: Mmmm...I could do this all day. Lie in the surf! Tan in the sun. Talk to you. You know what the only thing missing is?
: *smile* And what's that?
: A couple of...hmmm...martinis?
: Your wish is my command. Don't...go...anywhere.
: *giggle* Wouldn't dream of it!
Randy: She's toast.
NessaChan: DUN DUN
whitehelm: SHES GONNA DIE
Nyperold: Hmmm... I have a bad feeling about this...
: Heavens to Betsy. What a view!
: There you are.
: Hi, Katie! Isn't this just a swell view?
: Yes, Tyler. It's swell.
10Kan: It's even more perfect when you have an apple to share it with.
Maryam: 10K: LOL
10Kan: Maryam: I can't help but see the apple as Tyler's Weighted Companion Cube-analogue.
: Person could get to like this kind of life! Great meals prepared for you. Cushy beds. Sun shining every single day! Of course, too much sun is bad for you, you know.
NessaChan: Tyler Wyler's a cutie Pie-ler
iwpg: PIE
: Sure, I know.
: A person should get just enough sun to whiten the teeth and no more. That's why I always keep my lips open when I'm outside!
Maryam: Hehehe.
NessaChan: lol
: Tyler, I'm sorry about Ramona. She's...high strung.
: Aw, shucks, Katie, that's groovy of you to say. Swell, I mean. Golly, listen to me, picking up new slang like that. Sometimes I talk so I don't even recognize myself!
Maryam: LOL
10Kan: LOL
: *smile* So of all the places in the world, what brings you to this island?
: *darkening* Well, that's sort of a long story, you know. Kind of embarrassing, really.
: I see. Well, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. Everybody's got to have secrets, you know.
10Kan: Oh boy do they EVER.
: Aw, gosh, you're real nice, Miss Katie.
: Thanks.
Crystal109: Someone has to DIE NOW.
Nyperold: *shove*
* Zup submits that one of the two idiots is dead.
Zup: Tyler or Southern Hotty.
Randy: I'm waiting for Tyler to go all Psycho. heh
: You're nice too, Tyler. And you know what? I don't think there's anything you could ever say to me to make me change my mind.
: *blush* Awww, you don't mean that.
: I do!
: Well...but how do you know what I could tell you? Oh, I know I look like a good guy with fine hygiene and all, and I try to be, but -- well, you may not believe this, but I have done some right terrible things in my life!
: No!
: Yes! You take right now, for instance. You probably think I'm an innocent tourist on vacation, but I'm not. To tell you the truth, why, I'm hiding out here!
: Hiding out? I don't believe it. From whom? Oh...I think I see. I bet it's a girl. Has to be, handsome as you are. Some girl back home want to tie you down?
10Kan: With dental floss.
: Aw, shucks! *blush-laugh* Golly, why...why, no, Miss Katie. No, like I said, you wouldn't believe it -- I've done a terrible thing, and, well, let's just say if they catch me, it's.......
: Yes, Tyler?
10Kan: She's wearing a wire under all those freckles.
Maryam: 10K: Er... ouch?
: I think I better stop talking, Miss Katie. I'd like to tell you -- it feels good to talk about it, and you're so nice -- but I don't know. I better think about it. Y-you understand, don't you?
: Sure, Tyler. I understand. And I know what you mean about how it feels good to talk about things. Hey, anytime you want to talk, you just say the word, ok? I'm a real good listener.
* Zup is always intrigued by how engrossed he gets in Sam's puppet shows.
Crystal109: Zup: Me too!
10Kan: Are you captivated by your intrigue at the engrossing too?
: *blush* Why, thanks a lot, Miss Katie.... Now...I think if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone for a little while.
Crystal109: I bet Tyler's going to die.
: Sure. See you at lunch, huh?
: It's a date. ...I mean! Uh! Not like a real d--
: It's a date. *wave*...*leaves*
: ...
: Sure is quite a view.
Nyperold: And the ocean's pretty, too.
: Hey, who's there? Katie? Oh, gosh...hi!
: What are--wh--wh--WHAT ARE YOU DOI------NO--!
NessaChan: NO!
TalkingDog: "You made me drop my apple!"
Zup: I won't believe he's fallen until I see the Xs of his eyes!
iwpg: LOL
Kalimeris: Hahahaha
Maryam: TD: LOL LOL
Zup: HEH
Crystal109: TD: LOL
conty: lol
10Kan: TD: LOL
Sam: Five minute break!
Randy: D'oh!
Crystal109: Sam: EVIL.
Eric: Oh, great. I come in just as it's going to commercial.
10Kan: He was clearly greeting someone else!
10Kan: You don't say "Oh gosh, hi!" To someone who left you a matter of seconds ago.
Kalimeris: I bet Tyler Wyler's hiding out because he forgot to brush his teeth one night.
Maryam: Kali: hahaha
* Zup is anxiously awaiting the end of this cliffhanger...literally!
: Hey, anybody seen Tyler?
: Not since this morning. Thankfully.
: Not me.
Nyperold: He went for... a swim.
: Mrityunjay, have you seen Tyler?
: Not seen since early morning.
Crystal109: Oh no!
: ...must be a real strong man to--
: Hey, either of you seen Tyler?
: No.
: Who's that?
: Never mind...where were we?
: *entering* Who are we talking about?
: Tyler -- have you seen him?
: Sure -- on the cliffs a couple hours ago.
: Thanks.
10Kan: TYLER
Randy: DEAD
NessaChan: NOoooo
Crystal109: He was WHACKED to death by NANOBOTS.
Zup: He was blasted with a rosebush!
10Kan: (me is being the echo)
: Oh no.
Sam: Our next bot is KickMoleBot!
Zup: LOL
Maryam: Saaaaaaaaaaam.
Maryam: Don't DO that.
Crystal109: LOL
Zup: More cliffhangers!
Maryam: Whoa.
iwpg: =-O
whitehelm: =-O
Randy: OH NOES
Crystal109: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!.
NessaChan: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!
Maryam: Vicious!
conty: wow!
NessaChan: Poor Tyler!
whitehelm: BUT THERES NO X'S HAH
Zup: No Xs!
Nyperold: Oh no! He's got peel all over him!
Maryam: Oh, he got stabbed in the eyes. It must be fake!
whitehelm: and the apple has no blood on it...something's fishy
Randy: He's vulture dinner.
Crystal109: His head had a chunk out of it.
Randy: He's moved n. Passed on. Joined the choir invisible.
Zup: He clutched that apple pretty well.
* TalkingDog wonders if the killer's playing DeathMoleBot. "Killer stabs Tyler in the face with an axe! Score!"
: Oh no, this can't be happening. I'm gonna freak! I'm gonna freak! IF I SEE ONE MORE DEAD BODY, I SWEAR I'LL GO CRAZY!
: Oh, nooooo.... Tyler...poor Tyler....
conty: It was her!!!
conty: Don't pretend
: ...
: *leaves*
Nyperold: Yeah, that's right, Ramona, the last thing you did was yell at him.
: We have to get him. Anybody see a way down?
conty: JUMP!
: Looks like we might be able to get down over here. There's a ledge that sticks out a bit and slopes down.
: Looks mighty dangerous.
: We have to try. I'll go. *starts down*
: I'll go, too.
: No, I'll go.
: No, Matt. I'll go.
whitehelm: No, I'll go!
Randy: Someone go!
* whitehelm jumps off the cliff
whitehelm: AAAHHHHHH
* Zup trips and falls off the cliff behind whitehelm.
: Be careful.
Crystal109: You'll LET A GIRL GO?
Sam: He saw something insistent in her eyes.
Crystal109: Okay, fine.

(Cody and Hayley descend.)

Maryam: At least he's politically correct.
* whitehelm gets caught on a ledge 2 feet down, but watches as Zup falls past him
* Zup splashes into the surf below...miraculously surviving with a limited number of broken bones.
* Zup summons FlightBot.
* Zup flies back to the top. Easy~
whitehelm: And how Tyler might not be dead
whitehelm: Just a flesh wound
NessaChan: Sam: He wasn't using most of those pieces anyway
Nyperold: The peel pieces.
: Watch his head!
: I got him.
conty: Watch his apple
: Shall open door for you.
: Hey, what's that sound?

(all listen)

* Zup listens.
: Is helicopter. Perhaps bring new guest. Come. Bring Tyler. Then we greet.
whitehelm: new guest?
conty: What an odd man.
: You got the freezer door?
: Yes.
: Mister, we gotta report this. Where's your radio?
: Is over th--oh...
: What is it?
conty: Heart failing
Nyperold: Line's cut.
: Look.
Maryam: Gasp!
whitehelm: LOL
TalkingDog: LOL
conty: that looks like a mars rover
Zup: A very tiny radio getting smashed!
Randy: Someone is currently smashing the radio!
Nyperold: And they don't know who, because he's off-camera!
Maryam: Nah, they just left the sledgehammer in. And those pieces are just floating there for no reason.
Zup: Smokin'!
whitehelm: Mystery person smashes Radio with a sledgehammer. SCORE!!!!
: Hello?
NessaChan: we'll stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly one at a time, and pretend none of this ever happened!
: HEL--oh. Hi.
: *bows* Welcome to Paradise Island. I am Jay.
: Hi. I'm Julie Parris.
Crystal109: Oh, I like that name.
: ...
conty: emo not happy
: ...
: Hi.
: ...
: Hi.
: ...
: ...
: I'm supposed to meet a Mr. Spilk?
Kalimeris: Another SpilkHead!
Nyperold: Spilk again.
: ! Who did you s--
: I'm Mr. Spilk. Matt Spilk. Nice to meet you.
Crystal109: !
Zup: !!!
whitehelm: What?
Zup: ???
10Kan: Whoa.
Crystal109: Danggggggggg.
Zup: -_-
Maryam: Did we know that before?
Nyperold: I... don't think so.
Zup: -o-
NessaChan: DUN DUN

End of Chapter 3

Sam: >:->
Randy: Nice
Zup: Nice twist.
NessaChan: Isn't it Jay's Birthday?
Sam: NC: Jay's Birthday is the following day.
10Kan: They should all pile into the helicopter and fly back. You can't murder everyone in a helicopter unless you're suicidal.